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jokes
Sept 3, 2005 18:47:01 GMT -5
Post by hovin9 on Sept 3, 2005 18:47:01 GMT -5
;D Subject: Fw: Irish gas station
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drove his big new Buick SUV into an Irish gas station. An attendant greeted him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro was.
"Top of the mornin' to ya!" the Irishman smiled, doffing his cap. As Tiger got out of the mammoth vehicle, two tees fell out of his pocket.
So what are those, lad?" asked the attendant. "They're called tees," replied Tiger. "And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," said Tiger.
"AW! Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph," exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at GM think of everything!"
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jokes
Sept 5, 2005 7:41:22 GMT -5
Post by hovin9 on Sept 5, 2005 7:41:22 GMT -5
Joe was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that > >his wife, Lucretia, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of > >him. > >Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, > >killing her instantly. > >A few days later, Joe got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy. > >Coroner: "Joe, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the > >head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that > >correct?" > >Joe: "Yes, sir, that's correct." > >Coroner: "Joe, I also found a golf ball wedged up her butt." > >Joe: "Was it a Titleist 3 ?" > >Coroner: "Yes, it was." > >Joe: "That was my mulligan."
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jokes
Sept 5, 2005 7:44:29 GMT -5
Post by hovin9 on Sept 5, 2005 7:44:29 GMT -5
> >Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, > > > >so they go back to mom and dads for the night. > > > >In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. > > > >As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and > >Mary are up yet. > > > >She replies, "No". > > > >Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think? " > > > >His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school." > > > >Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and > > > >Mary up yet?" > > > >She replies, "No." > > > >Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" > > > >His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to > >school." > > > >After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?" > > > >His mom says, "No." > > > >Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" > > > >His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?" > > > >He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I > > > >think I gave him my airplane glue."
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jokes
Sept 5, 2005 7:46:34 GMT -5
Post by hovin9 on Sept 5, 2005 7:46:34 GMT -5
Subject: The Blonde understands american football > > > > > > Football FINALLY makes sense...A guy took his blonde > >girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind > >their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the > >experience. > > > > "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight > >pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they > >were killing each other over 25 cents." > > > > Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" > > > > "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the > >rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get > >the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!
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jokes
Sept 5, 2005 7:53:18 GMT -5
Post by hovin9 on Sept 5, 2005 7:53:18 GMT -5
Subject: Husband and Wife Golf Lessons
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range.
The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards.
The golf pro says, "Not bad, Now hold your club as firmly as you hold your wife's breast."
The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!"
Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards.
Golf pro: "Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your husband's dick."
She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
Golf pro: "Not bad, now try taking the club out of your mouth."
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jokes
Sept 5, 2005 8:30:27 GMT -5
Post by Harsh Marsh on Sept 5, 2005 8:30:27 GMT -5
Why are pirates called pirates........ They just aarrgghh.
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jokes
Sept 21, 2005 9:52:20 GMT -5
Post by ZackAllen on Sept 21, 2005 9:52:20 GMT -5
harsh needs to be taken out to a field and shot fot that joke now heres a joke for the censors A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off. Now just wait for the hate i get for that one
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jokes
Sept 21, 2005 14:02:36 GMT -5
Post by Aliendave on Sept 21, 2005 14:02:36 GMT -5
heres a joke Zach Allen thinks hes funny and can play gr2
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jokes
Sept 28, 2005 12:53:13 GMT -5
Post by hovin9 on Sept 28, 2005 12:53:13 GMT -5
im not doing it here dave
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jokes
Sept 28, 2005 17:23:03 GMT -5
Post by Aliendave on Sept 28, 2005 17:23:03 GMT -5
stop it then
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k3ym3n6
Soldier
K3YM4N6<<<NO N00B
Posts: 80
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jokes
Feb 16, 2006 12:18:38 GMT -5
Post by k3ym3n6 on Feb 16, 2006 12:18:38 GMT -5
As of March 2006, Viagra will only be available under its correct medical name.
Please ask your pharmacist for Mycoxaflopin.
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k3ym3n6
Soldier
K3YM4N6<<<NO N00B
Posts: 80
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jokes
Feb 16, 2006 12:20:25 GMT -5
Post by k3ym3n6 on Feb 16, 2006 12:20:25 GMT -5
Knock Knock, whos there Stella, stella who STELLA ARTOIS
Knock Knock, whos there Carl, carl who CARLING
Knock Knock, whos there Carl, carl who CARLSBERG
Knock Knock, whos there Glen, Glen who GLENMORANGIE
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An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman in a bar talking about their sons.
The Englishman says to the others my son was born on St Georges day so I named my son George.
Thats funny said the Scotsman mine was born on St Andrews day so I named him Andrew
Thats a coincidence said the Irishman the same thing happened with my son Pancake.
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An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are talking about their daughters.
The English man says to the others I looked in my daughters draw and found a packet of cigarettes, I didn't even know she smoked.
The Scotsman says I looked in my daughters draw and found bottles of whisky, I didn't even know she drunk.
The Irishman says I looked in my daughters draw and found a pack of condoms. And I thought thats strange I never knew she had a willy.
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jokes
Feb 16, 2006 20:07:17 GMT -5
Post by unitedunkn0wn on Feb 16, 2006 20:07:17 GMT -5
pmpl guys these are funny
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jokes
Feb 28, 2006 16:39:40 GMT -5
Post by xxatxxsteel on Feb 28, 2006 16:39:40 GMT -5
Why do women fart after they urinate? They cant shake it so they blow it dry.
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jokes
Mar 14, 2006 14:42:31 GMT -5
Post by grnvelvet on Mar 14, 2006 14:42:31 GMT -5
omg steel i,ve only just seen this post ahhhhh and i,m not even going there lol ;D
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